I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
