i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
