Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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