new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
