Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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