So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
