well most of my day revolves around power hour
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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