I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize