in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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