pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You took a bar mat shot.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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