Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
