You made me cry and you don't even care
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
