i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
