He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
