I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
