if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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