You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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