I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
