My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
