you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
