Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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