i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
