I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He better not be in your backpack
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
