Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
