His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
did you just send me my own nude
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
