Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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