is your mom at the bar?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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