TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
