oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
