i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
