trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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