I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
