capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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