gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
