and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want nice things and good sex
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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