I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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