Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
