Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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