New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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