I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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