So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
