does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize