I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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