based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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