you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
