Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
