Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Holy shit dude........stairs
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