He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
