never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Reggie can tackle my bush.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
