I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
