grandma shit on top of the toilet
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
