i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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