I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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