Swine flu. Run for my life!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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