I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
