A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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