Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We're like a lot better than the average bears
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
