My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The air was thick with penises
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize