Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
