What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
