I must be too annoying 4 u.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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