Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
