ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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