ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize