I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Even my vagina gasped.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
