I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
