shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
