If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
