i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
