Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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