My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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