Me. At least after what I've been through.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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