I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
