I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
