The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
