You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
