he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
