You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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