i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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