I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
