So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
