she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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