I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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