if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
