i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize