It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize