come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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