yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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