I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
