A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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