when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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