i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
