I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wear drunk well.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
