You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
