and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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