I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
