You just made me feel so damn special
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
