I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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