I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
