If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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