Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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